Just to be sure…

I’m under ‘house arrest’ and feeling sooo damn bored. Usually when the doc gives you 11days MC, it really calls for a celebration, but not for me! Cos I freaking hate the stitches, I don’t know whether it’s the stitches that are making me feel the pain or is the wound really that painful? Anyway, I’ve reduced the painkiller dosage because I can’t stand totally losing my appetite and also cold sweating every single moment when I’m not sleeping and also, I think it causes me to not be able to concentrate when I’m watching my shows, which basically leaves me in a state of wanting to sleep like 24/7. I really can’t wait for friday to come so that I can get the stitches removed cos they are really a pain in the ass.

And (!!!) I’m supposed to be at the gala premier of “Little big soldier” like NOW… Urgh but decided to give up my ticket yesterday cos I was still feeling really sick aka massive cold sweating so decided not to risk it. OMG sian. I really wanted to go for it cos I’ve never been to a gala premier before and it’s a LEE HOM movie + free goodie bag!!! Yup I’m a real sucker for freebies Anyway, I’ve decided not to go out until thursday so as to fully recover. After the fiasco on saturday where I insisted on going klunch with Cheryl and gang, and got home feeling the worse ever in my life, I decided not to play punk and just stay at home to recuperate. Actually today I’m feeling a lot better because my appetite seems to have come back, I even have the urge to stuff junk food in my tummy and also craving for some tiramisu at wild rocket (even thought of asking wj but probably only gonna happen next week earliest since CNY is this weekend).

In a serious dilemma now. I don’t think things will work out between me and BD, we are like virtually so different, I think the only thing we have in common is being in the same schools before, same age and being human beings haha. Having some common interests does play a part but I know I shouldn’t be too concerned about it cos as long as 2 people click and have enough chemistry, however different they are, they can still get together. But that’s not even the case for me and BD. Yes, it’s THAT wtf so why then, you would ask me, that I still seem to hold some reservations about just avoiding him till he eventually feels it’s stupid and pointless to be harping over me? Am I really so desperate for attention or getting into a relationship? How can I have turned soft!? Maybe I am just feeling a bit ‘adventurous’? Oh what the hell. It’s really to the point where I really question what I really want. Definitely need a cooling off period. That’s why I’m NOT going to meet him on sat! RARRR!!!

Ok so now I know how daunting it is to start a job at a new place. Who would actually be kind enough to have lunch with me!? Haha ok last time I got eat lunch by myself before at my previous job but that’s really seldom when my lunch buddies are on long leave but surely got someone around that can go with me… Ahhh I really miss them! Even though it’s at the ulu-est places in CBP. Today it’s like everyone is too busy and nearly everyone is da bao-ing which I’m really not interested in. No wonder the guys last time always told me to bring the new girls out for lunch… Anyway, luckily this place does not have a lack of eating places though it’s not as centralised as raffles place where you can meet with just about anyone. The work so far has been fairly easy albeit quite manual. I like the ‘work environment’ so far: laptop’s win7 which I never used before, pantry and toilet seems nice, stationary is also free flow and self service. Have not been introduced to most of the staff yet, there’re only about 15 people in total but it’s only the 1st half of my 1st work day. At least in this way I’d be so glad / excited to meet BD tomorrow since I’m still super lost at my new work place.

Oh my god. 2 more days! I’m really starting to get the jitters, whether it’s the impending end to my unemployed life or the crazy start to my new ‘unsure whether it will kill me’ life.

The past 2 weeks have been mostly good because I had quite a good break focusing mainly on driving, meeting few friends once in a while, watching quite a fair bit of movies that missed last year and I would say achieving most of what I set out to do when I threw that resignation at my boss’ face. My driving test date is on the 3rd week of march and I have found a new full time contract job.

However the new job does have its challenges. Firstly I don’t exactly have an actual inkling of how the job scope or workload will be. You may think it’s just a contract job so why give myself so much stress? I always answer that question with a ‘because I think better of myself’. And I do have an overtly optimistic view of how excitig the job will be. Because it’s events management which is something I have always been quite ‘good’ at or rather I think it’s fun. Having organized school activities and even travel plans, I think the element of ‘enjoyment’ that is so obviously absent in my precious job can be found. But then I will not be able to confirm this until I am actually into the job. People on the outside always paint a pretty picture of how a job or company is, but it’s only when they are really inside then they will be able to see what is really is behind the facade or common misconception. I am really quite concerned as to how much committment I have to put in on the weekends because my interviewers really did stress on finding out how free am I during the weekends which kind of scares me as this might affect my driving progress. But again, no point worrying on things that are out of my control at this point.

Gosh I am totally exhilerated now!!! I really can’t believe what luck I have. 2010 really has been great for me in a lot of ways. I caught the sing off on YouTube just before christmas last year, started falling in love with the Beelzebubs, followed their twitter, got wind of the news that they are going Phuket, found out they were also coming to Singapore, found out that they’d be performing at the arts house on the same week, just went for their performance, got to take photos with most of the key members (read: PENN!!!)!!!

Seriously their concert was a great mix of exhilerating highs and toned down songs. Besides the songs they did on the sing off they did some great stuff /arrangements like U2’s ‘With or without you’, got the audience really involved in some of their songs, intro-ed themselves, had mini FAQ session (best last question was ‘why do you guys wear ties?’), did encore for the crowd (Penn did a crazy version of ‘Debra’), mingled with the audience after their show (read: took PHOTOS and signed autographs for their fans).

Overall best concert I've been to in my life, especially for an ‘amateur’ college group. Literally worth every cent I paid! I don't think I'd ever get a better concert experience than this!

It’s quite obvious that the only thing that is keeping us drawn to each other is the ounce of mutual attraction that we feel for each other and a lot of it has to do with timing and possibly nothing else. I don’t feel we are quite THERE yet. We enjoying meeting each other even though it’s getting quite often till I don’t really know what else to say to him. I’m a little afraid when this attraction is gone, there’d be no reason for us to meet anymore. We need to create new memories together but I’m not quite comfortable enough to do it in such a couply fashion yet. That’s why the next 3 days where he’d be off on his trip is really critical to this whole thing. I do wish we had started off with some group activities but our mutual friends just paired off by themselves and we can’t just join them now, just too weird.

I love it when a movie gives an unexpected twist. It really throws you off guard, and the effect that the movie leaves you with is of paramount significance as compared to any typical storyline.

The movie does make me really wonder whether there is such thing as “meant to be”. Is there really “the one” out there for you? Many a time, I hear friends telling me that people (especially guys) get married when the timing is right. It’s not really about you being together for the longest time and its a natural process for you to go the next step of life together. Or is it that this person is the one that you truly love the most in your life. But rather, it’s more of like at that point in time where you think you should settle down and the person you marry is the one person that is best for you at that point in time. It’s really more about coincidence as the movie suggests rather than fate and what is meant to be.

“If Tom had learnt anything, it was that you can’t describe great cosmic significance to a simple earthly event. Coincidence. That’s all anything ever is. Nothing more than coincidence. Tom had finally learnt: there are no miracles. There’s no such thing as fate. Nothing is meant to be. He knew. He was sure it now. Tom was… he was pretty sure.”

I’m starting to lose steam about most things in particular:

- learning driving: lessons daily are starting to take a toll… Anyway I just need to persist till next tues, by then I would have already passed the stage to be able to book for my test date then I can slowly pace myself.

- my blind date: I’m actually meeting him again tomorrow but I don’t know… Originally was quite excited about it but now I just feel doubtful whether it’d be as enjoyable as before. We’re really quite different: he’s sporty while I’m just more arty haha. I guess I have got to pace myself on this as well, it’s quite likely that something can come out of this, but it’s really down to me whether I can actually keep up the interest or just let it die off cos clearly he’s a really nice guy. I think i’ve got to just avoid chatting with him from now till I meet him tomorrow to revive the interest. On a side note, I’m actually wondering what to wear tomorrow to meet him. I am so tempted to just wear comfy clothes/shoes since there’d be lots of walking to do but I can so hear Tony berating me that comfy clothes should only be worn when I’m going out ALONE! And I do feel like wearing a nice dress tomorrow but I can’t bear the pain of walking in heels =/

- job interviews: I’m actually going for an interview later for a 6 months IT contract job but I’m seriously just going through the motion only because I’ve already been offered a job yesterday (starts next wednesday) and that job seems loads more interesting and I am sure it will really open a lot of doors for me in terms of networking as well as job experience. It’s just whether I wanna take a leap of faith and just do what I have always dreamed of doing but thought it won’t lead me to anything. And I’m not referring to joining Singapore idol ok?

I seriously wonder how many people actually bother coming here anymore…

After the whole drama in 2009 with
- unavailable guys pestering me (1 attached, 1 married and 38!)
- 2 guys that were chasing after me: 1 got engaged and 1 married by the end of 2009
I’ve decided that maybe I should just stick to nice guys (and totally drive off crazy psycho bad unavailable boys)?

Anyway, I went on a ‘blind date’ yesterday (!). And with a guy that is my age (!!!).

As crazy as it might sound at how all this started, actually at the strike of 2010 (2/1 to be exact), this guy happen to add me on fb and I was thinking who the hell is this person because we have quite a few mutual friends but I totally don’t recognise his name (he used an english name so I was thinking maybe it’s those ‘work’ names like the one that I use). So anyway, I went to check out his photos and I do recognise him but I can’t quite remember his name even though I do know that he goes by a chinese name back in njc. Once I accepted his fb friend request, immediately he messaged me on fb chat and later msn. Was quite nice to catch up with him on where he went after jc cos seriously we just vanished out of each other’s social circle since during jc, he was neither from my class nor choir. I only knew him from some other friends and he refreshed my memory that I added him on icq to ask him about a particular guy.

So anyway, he seemed really ‘friendly’ and asked for my no so that maybe we can meet up or whatever which I didn’t really bother about. We chatted a few times over the week and on wednesday he actually asked me out for dinner and drinks on friday (yesterday). I did ask him to get few more other mutual friends but they were not free (in fact our mutual friends actually got together that same day and obviously wanted some time to themselves first -.-).

I went along with it yesterday, and I was pleasantly surprised (!). Firstly, he sounded totally unlike what I thought he would sound like (we have never spoken to each other back in nj and only communicated however limitedly via icq). I told him that and he kept asking him whether it’s a manly/husky voice (really wanna slap him at this point ). And he is loads more chatty than I expected, he kept telling me to talk and that he’s the only one trying to make conversation all this while. Haha! Anyway, when he first saw me he said I looked very different as well, “really look like you’re 20+” were his actual words =.= Plus all this while, he expected me to be chinese speaking which was totally NOT how I am (“Do I have such a CHEENA face!?”). And he kept telling me to not be so nervous cos he said my body language is very obvious (!). Seriously… No guy has ever told me that la! The situation is already kind of awkward but this statement makes it even more =X He really has this “in your face” attitude. After dinner we had loads of drinks at City Space at Equinox. Like seconds and shared a third. Nonetheless, he did pay for everything and INSISTED that I treat him the next time which I told him “will there BE a next time?”. I guess it was his candidness that got me to be more “in your face” as well because he told me some things that happened back in jc that really got me quite, well, I won’t say exactly pissed but I’d rather not remember these events. =.= Thats why I’m being super sarcastic to him ever since.

But anyway, he asked me out for movie next week (!!!).

When I ask someone out (and just one person and not organizing a mass gathering), it’s because I want to spend some time with the person since we seldom get to meet on a day to day basis. It’s not for that person to start inviting all his other friends and making it their own damn party when I’m the one who started the ball rolling in the first place. In that case, I’d rather not go because if I bother to make some time to spend it with you, why the hell do I have to share your attention with others? Its not like your farewell or group outing where you are the centre of focus. Don’t freaking tell me that, by you asking me, you are showing respect for my decision rather than just letting that friend pop up at the outing unannounced. Because you know what, it’s just freaking telling me that I should just wake up and stop even bothering about making time to meet you because I’m just not worth your time and attention.