Just to be sure…

I hate this nagging feeling of laziness. It creeps in whenever I am in a slight state of comfort.

You see, I just got my first pay in the new job and now I feel so nice that I’m finally getting some real money in after quite some time. Even though everyday I feel so whiny about the job due to its lack of structure, my cluelessness about what is going on and lack of sense of belonging with the new work environment, at least I have some cash to spend now. And it’s so terrible that there seems to be quite a few things I’m eying right now. Like that ALF membership and calendar. I succumb easily to pretty things and peer pressure. I just got the Kinokuniya membership card a few days ago because I had quite a few things to buy and there was a 20% off for members till this weekend so I thought what the heck, I’ve been resisting getting the membership card since they started this membership programme which is forever, so just get it now since I usually spend a shitload on emooks and chinese/japanese pictorials and while I’m at that, just get the longest membership (3 years) since that will be about $1+/month. It’s sometimes bad when I think of the price of things in terms of a per month or per year basis, because then it appears cheap to me. I blame this on my friend who put this “logic” in my mind a few years ago. Other than these relatively small ticket items, I’m thinking of getting some stuff from the US since the dollar is very low right now. Not exactly sure of what yet because I haven’t taken the time to check online, but maybe some makeup or clothes, though no sense of urgency in that at all. Getting anything branded is not really on my priority now because I’ve kind of grown out of that phase, though a Prada or Loewe is awesome to have but I’m not really that into going into the shops or websites to check them out anymore. I’m just more keen in getting things that suit me personally instead of stuff that anyone on the street is carrying or wearing, like getting some nice strappy sandals and shorts.

So anyway back to the feeling of laziness, I think I have way too many shows and things to keep track of. I spent most of the weekend trying to catch up on loads of the AL videos that I missed in the earlier part of the year. It’s weird thinking back because I had relatively a lot of free time back then but totally did not bother about all this. I guess I was really too preoccupied with other priorities.

I actually have a weekend KL trip a week before Christmas which I feel like backing out of because of this laziness of roughing it out in KL since it’s not exactly going to be a relaxing trip. But maybe I’m just over thinking how bad it will be. And it is a little daunting because I don’t know most of the people that are going and since I take quite a while to warm up to people, I might appear to be really quiet and living in my own world for most of the trip. And I can’t really phantom the idea of being off Twitter for a weekend! Let’s see how things go.

I’d just like to leave with a parting thought from one of the AL VH1 videos which I saw yesterday that left a very strong impression. 1 fan asked him where he got his confidence from and he explained that to be in a confidence place, you have to first accept everything about yourself, even the bad along with the good. Acceptance is the key. Which really made sense to me because I guess once you did that, nothing can really frazzle you out anymore and you are free from any kind of insecurity to do whatever you want to achieve your goals. I’m still working towards that.

Scroll to 2:32 for this part.